It sometimes feels like I am always on the
periphery of things. Just at the edge of the excitement or completely removed,
so distanced that even if I was right in the middle of it, it still would not
let me in. These things are not just interesting jobs or an exciting research
project and even better still, the calm serenity of wise company, but
infiltrates into the very basic fabric of everyday life like a cup of coffee
with friends. Going hiking with old buddies. This feeling of being left out can
make me feel crazy. One would think that at the age of almost 47 we learn how
to deal with this kind of ‘out-sidedness’. Can I even use that as a word?
How does one begin to cope with this
reality and create an alternative train of thought? How do you go about
developing that thick skin that says: “I don’t care if I am on the outside,
there is still room to learn about what they are talking about”. At other times
it might actually just be easier to say, “Ok, I will knock on the door and ask
to get in and learn more about what they are talking about and see if there in
an opportunity to inform the conversation or be informed by the conversation.
Perhaps even just writing about this
feeling is enough to deal with the instant panic it brings about. Now is maybe
not the time to panic, but to rather have that inner conversation that says,
“move on, there will be exciting things to do and places to see if you are not
looking too hard or fighting so much against the empty space in your life, that
is perchance not ‘empty’, but filled with a cosmos to create, learn and live!”
