Touched by Grief

Today I am very sad, but life moves forward and in my sadness I have to celebrate being alive. Yesterday at a very late breakfast we listened to English hymns and it brought a kind of inner peace and calm over our household. Little were we to know that during that day we will learn about the accidental death of two children. Their drowning (in two separate incidents) is once again a stark reminder of the tenuous nature of life. I seek inspiration to deal with this tragedy for the two families. Both are closely connected to my daughter -- the first (on Saturday) a cousin to her best friend and then next even much closer, the grandson to her most favourite uncle. We weep together for their loss.

Of course, listening the classic hymns from Ancient and Modern took me back to the many mornings in the Chapel at Bishopscourt. Everyone I met during this time (especially Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu and amongst the many clergy the late Fr Francis Cull) touched my life in a very special way. Today I share two quotes from Baba. To me it brings a way to contextualize this kind of loss.

"A person is a person through other persons.
None of us comes into the world fully formed. We would not know how to think, or walk, or speak, or behave as human beings unless we learned it from other human beings. We need other human beings in order to be human. I am because other people are. A person is entitled to a stable community life, and the first of these communities is the family."
— Desmond Tutu

"Dear Child of God, I write these words because we all experience sadness, we all come at times to despair, and we all lose hope that the suffering in our lives and in the world will ever end. I want to share with you my faith and my understanding that this suffering can be transformed and redeemed. There is no such thing as a totally hopeless case. Our God is an expert at dealing with chaos, with brokenness, with all the worst that we can imagine. God created order out of disorder, cosmos out of chaos, and God can do so always, can do so now--in our personal lives and in our lives as nations, globally. ... Indeed, God is transforming the world now--through us--because God loves us."
— Desmond Tutu (God Has a Dream: A Vision of Hope for Our Time)
From: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/5943.Desmond_Tutu

We live
I am alive
But it does not
Make me
Think less of you
Because
You are not any longer

We are alive
Connected through our grief
Emotional seas apart
Etched in my soul
Your loss
Makes me
Less whole

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, March 28, 2011

Taking a sicky

Yesterday I took a sicky... not a planned one and it is certainly not my hyperactive self that chooses to sleep in the middle of the day. The rest did me good so this posting can hopefully make up for the missing piece yesterday. There is such a lot going on the world. Water supplies around the Japanese Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear plant are threatened and the effects might be lasting on the environment. They say that a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous so I cannot venture any opinion, other than to voice sympathy and concern.

On a lighter note... spring is still evasive in Uppsala, gradually the snow is disappearing and soon we hope to see the first flowers smiling at the world. Today I was unexpectedly invited to lunch at the Uppsala University-based International Science Programme office. A wonderful kind team who made me feel instantly welcome.

Unexpected
More than a smile
We shared over lunch
The odd nervous giggle
Describing
Scary encounters
Busy cities
Gaps penetrate
Citizens and visitors
Unexpected
Safety and security
Critics
Surviving the local
Criminal element

More than a laugh
We shared over lunch
Standard travel tips well received
Watch out
The occasional parking ticket thief
Anonymous
The price of a black-market passport
Racketeer Economist
Survivors of some sort
The honest ones
Almost crying
Defeat

More than a casual connection
We shared over lunch
A natural association
Sweet
Valuable exchange
North and south
Not ruled
By the indiscriminate
Interests criminal
Greater than animate
Learning together
Still
The central element

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, For the ISP Team at Uppsala University, 2011-03-25

How to quell a wondering mind?
today i ask you
my reader
a question:
how do you quell a wondering mind?
is there a trick
a special
time and place
to harness the waves
ideas abound
all over the place

instead i will just murmur
ideas present
visions happy and pleasant
like the spring wind
promising rain showers
the odd glimpse
of bright flowers
present waking hours
collating interesting research ideas
old concepts dour

my mind wonders
about things like
my birth-date’s availability via the internet
how old i am
no secret
maybe you can do a horoscope
lining up cosmological charts
all possible
without my consent
the era of the information age
transparent

my mind will wonder
all the time
sometimes i can capture
ideas succinct
new issues distinct
old dreams extinct
what next
you want to think
my wondering mind
will continue to search
occasionally snagging
something good
rather than falling about
digging up rotten roots

By SBNN, 25 March 2011

Eldsjälare = Fire Souls

Eldsjälare = Fire Souls, a term I learnt yesterday and the most interesting thing about it is that in one day I heard it from three different people! It was used in the context of people who are enthusiastic, change agents. Passionate. Altruistic. Selfless. Those who go the extra mile and give generously of their time and energies.

Are you a fire soul?

Fire Souls

A Fire Soul
I’m told
Is a passionate giver
All consuming
Meaningful results
From their lives
Blooming

A Fire Soul
Looks to me
Like a devoted survivor
All embracing
Alive in the moment
Sharing
In their lives
There are
No lifeline sparing

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, 23 March 2011.

When no news is good news

I constantly crave to be in touch. To connect. If by any chance I am unable to interact with people, close by or further away, I can so easily have a pity party for one! These interactions are of course what make us human. We seek the attention of others to share ideas and relate in a positive way. But today I feel a bit like I can sometimes live with this expression of "no news is good news". It is the second time in March that I hear of the passing of a strong woman in Africa. Taken too young and even though it is only the third month of the year, this is the 3rd time I get this kind of news. Yes, it is inevitable that we will all have to follow that path one day, but it is still sad to hear about their deaths.

Leadership Lost

We pick our battles
And fight them
Sometimes
Doing nothing
Is also a tactic
Women
Remaining
Unseen
Unhurt
Surviving
Inert

We create our victories
Our daughters
Can follow
The path wider
Like the trail
Beaten by an elephant cow
Women
Bearing
Enduring energies
Futuristic legacies

We create our stories
Gradually
Others will tell it
Our demise
Every so often
Too soon
Natural leadership
Un-festooned
Your memory
Never
Doomed

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, 22 March 2011, another message of the passing of a comrade and LEADer. In the memory of Dr. Naomi Mdzeke

Action, Movement, Change

Action requires movement and this in turn maybe brings about change. Life is like that and if we do not move, maybe we won't experience some change. In Japan, thousands if not hundreds of thousands are threatened by the actions of a Reactor. In Libya, thousands have to react to an erupting war. Tensions below the surface bubbling up calling for Reaction of a different kind. How are the two examples even connected? It is not except it replaces each other on the world news headlines and I ask myself... do we need another war in this world? I remember two quotes I had on my wall growing up... one went like "for the tortoise to move, it has to stick its neck out" and the other one was "in war everyone is a victim". What more is there to say?

In Uppsala we are still expecting the spring to happen any time now. The first spring flowers stuck up for itself against the cold yesterday and it was a welcome relief after the almost 5cm of snow on Friday. I took on the shoveling, one of the few times this winter! Changing seasons always seem like a time to consider renewal of some kind. Winter to Spring, Summer to Autumn and if we live in places where the contrasts are stark and visible, we can somehow find a way to cope with its gifts and curses! I tried to find a picture of spring flowers in my collection, instead I offer this picture of an apple I took in Rorvik, a small village next to a lake in the Småland in the South of Sweden.


In contrast to the musings about change I am reminded that we are celebrating Human Rights Day in South Africa. A day to remember and cherish the battles we lost and won in pursuit of freedom! Our quest for change is ongoing. Transforming hundreds of years of oppression whilst struggling with the daily challenges of survival.

What can we do?
“We cannot eat democracy”
Is what I heard
Some people were reported
To have said
Whom?
Where?
When?
I can’t tell
They must have had
Their own motivation
Who am I
To judge
Their disillusion

“We cannot consult all the time”
Is what I heard
Some people said
Tired
Of the endless public meetings
Questioned?
Challenged?
Angered?
Democracy too costly
The protestors too motley
Maybe the kickbacks
Slowly becoming
A dream remotely

“We cannot wait any longer”
Is what we all said
When I grew up
Freedom’s gifts
We went after
Democracy
Human Rights
Peace
Emancipated
Liberated
Words kind
Suddenly
The global village
Comes with new borders
Survival of the fittest
Still
An old world order
Leaving us
Mostly blind

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, 21 March 2011. Human Rights day will always keep me thinking.

Connections
We look for connections
Across cultures
Within communities
Within families
Our search
Continues
Sometime with results
Mostly with only
Partial satisfaction
Without clear intension
Direction

We look for connections
Inside ourselves
Bringing history to pass
My nose like my fathers’
My hands like my mother’s
A sense of taste
Like a long-dead
Grandmother
It is only a guess
But it is there
Tangible and intangible
Familiar
Indispensable

We look for connections
Life partners
Someone
At least socially acceptable
Who can bear the brunt
Give support
Share love
Put ourselves before ‘
No one else above
A constant quest
Sometimes
Easily behest
A permanent houseguest
Treated with the utmost respect
We find
A soul with a like-mind
Incredible

We look for connections
It is
A constant search
A leader in the pack
Every new find
A set of common principles
We bind
Friendship, trusted deep
The list to keep
Growing smaller
As the years heap
A constant quest
New connectors
Resurrected

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, Wednesday, 21 October 2009

On a path
You are finding your way
Nineteen, twenty and a little bit older
All
Already with some burden
Some sleight
Other’s
Much more heavy
In all cases of growing up
It will take you to a place
When all the choices
Is only yours
To carry

You are using
Knowledge as weapons
Skills to gain
Minds independent
Brilliant
Resplendent
The world at your feet
Young blood
Full of heat
Innocent minds
Sentiments sweet
Judgements in this generation
Less replete

You are walking the path
We all did
More freedoms
We were unable to
At that age see
In hindsight
We all can
Wise choices repeat
Dominating partners
With intellect defeat
Seek out and discover
Inner strength
Act with confidence
It might just be
Experiences
Unique

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 – for the young women in the world, particularly those who live in the isolated rural areas and inner cities of the south and north... seek a new way and grow progressively.

Poverty, development, other stuff

Living in a university town is very interesting. One can always find a way to engage in the academic endeavour. Yesterday I attended a seminar where the speaker’s task was to talk about the construct of poverty, something that is very close to my heart. Earlier in the day I shared with a friend the pain of knowing that millions of girls around the world drop out of school because the sanitation services fails them. It brings to mind my own early years of school sanitation – a misnomer really in our case. Two stalls for girls in a school of more than 700 children, cemented to the ground with no paper and a tap where we had to drink water and wash our hands. It is a miracle we survived. I think I still have the habit of trying not to use the loo because it was better to wait until we got home. There I only had to share it with about 20 people. No wonder that I am always worried about clean toilets and washing my hands all the time!

Back to poverty… the discussion ended largely on whether the way we determine if people are poor or not is valid or not. The old Human Development Index. The Indicators with which to measure if we are making progress in fighting poverty and if people are able to claw their way out of poverty. How long is it before they slip back or can they be rid of the worry forever? Millions of books have been written. Hundreds of journals give scholars the chance to debate the issues and billions of dollars are being spent on interventions to lift the poor from their dismal state, yet we are told that in most countries the gap between rich and poor is widening. Maybe broadening the indicators, finding the qualitative richness of the un-measured elements of our lives like measuring happiness and shame will give us more hope for the future. I’m not too sure. I’m tired of talking and would like to see more action, which can in turn breed more action. Am I an idealistic dreamer? Maybe not, we as a family managed to move from poverty to a better life.

They don’t know how

They don’t know how
To meet the needs
Of the masses
Who sit in ashes
Dirty water
Piles of shit
Through their greed
Declaring them unfit
To meet the needs
Of the working, unemployed
Not by the bickering overjoyed

They don’t know how
To go to the ground
Empowering women and children
To take control
To chase away the hunger
The heat and the cold
Fighting disease
Making choices
As they please
Instead of following
The collective majority
Where to piss and eat
Always on the sidelines
Suffering neglect
Poverty's defeat

They don’t know how
To do the simplest things
There are no expectations
That the interventions
Should be charitable acts
Locals know
Where their reality is at
Is it lost
Despite
A constitutional pact

They don’t know how
Pretending
Not to see
The history of nations
Telling us
It is only against our own
That we turn
When we choose
To only follow them
Who is not brave
To say
It is more than just
The raw power we crave
When through the lack of basic needs
Missed by “pro-poor” interventions
Finding our early grave
The poor will remain
From meaningful development depraved

By Simone Naik, in response to David writing about diarrheal outbreak in Mpumalanga Province South Africa in the wake of new leadership elections for the African National Congress, 20/12/07

Inspiration

Today I received very good news from a dear friend in Cape Town. I share her happiness to be part of a development programme that will give her the chance to celebrate her gifts of love, compassion, perserverence and the list is much longer... Congratulations! It will also call on her to give time and energy without pay and that is such an inspiration to me! I am humbled. Once more a reminder that nagging about the smallest discomforts should be thrown out the window!

More good news! The sun is shining and even though it is -7 degrees C. daylight hours are getting longer and there is a different energy in the air. I go in search of writing about sunshine, but instead I find this piece about rain. I'll have to find a moment to create something about sunshine.

RAIN

Have you ever
Had the pleasure
Of playing in the rain
Barefoot
With the mud
Squishing between your toes
Running the risk
Of getting a hiding
Since you are still
Nursing a cold
From the last
“Playing in the rain”
Episode

Can you imagine?
The wind in your hair
On that sailing boat
As it sets off
In the gutter
A popsicle stick
Anything that will float
Transporting me away
Swift like my feet
Running up and down
Despite the cold rain
Playing
An easy children’s game

Do you recall
That mad dash
To beat the instant downpour
When you accidentally slipped
Stepping in that puddle
Plonked on the ground
Not a dry spot
On your body found
The precious belongings soaked
Against the elements
We have no reproach
Next time please don’t forget
Your umbrella and coat

With peals of laughter
I can remember
Getting dressed
To play in the rain
A well planned escape
From being cooped up
No space to play
Despite the cold
We snuck out
Never a thought
To the risks it brought
Playing in the rain
Was the best
When we were lucky
Not to get caught

By Simone Naik, 22 January 2007

In the meantime this can be an interpretation of sunshine...

Shared Laughs

Shared laughs
Are blessings we can cherish
Feeling burdened
Can quickly fade
Sometimes completely perish
When working too hard gets us under
We are well bade
To set some
“Me time” asunder

Shared laughs
I bring with relish
Giving a little bit of how I survive and operate
Through tough days
Filled with people acting garish
Knowing that you laugh with me
Sets me free
From those who easily frown and berate
You are always welcome to celebrate
It is a permanent
Giggling fulfilled date

SBN, 8 October 2008.