April Muse

I try to think about all the ideas I wanted to write about today. Where did the week go? At the end of Monday I had a lot to say about livelihoods or rather the difficulties of having sustained options in life. The rest of the week has slowly become a battle in terms of me securing my own sense of ‘livelihood’. I’m already back from one of those activities that is good for you and you go in anticipation of the pain and sure! It is more intense than you remember from the last time. No, it’s not childbirth! No! I did not go to the dentist (that is next month!!!) Yes! It was a mammogram! What a pain! During the five minutes of me, half naked in the room with two very well trained and kind nurses who only spoke in rapid Swedish whilst directing me! Now a few hours later I have almost forgotten the pain and I am happy that we have technology that can give us an early warning if there should be anything wrong. On a much lighter note! The sun is out and the first spring flowers are now flushing the road verges yellow and the birds are out and happy.

The air is alive
It shimmers
Like a slow flowing river
Bright
Reflections
In the clouds
Moving about
In the ever so slight breeze
Happy days
Spared
Until next year’s freeze



These are the first flowers in our garden. Improving my photography skills is the next challenge for the year.

Ten Words Looping in my Head
Too many people
With greedy eyes
Empty pockets
Vacant minds

Too many people
With empty eyes
Greedy pockets
Occupied minds

Too many people
With blocked eyes
Broken pockets
Greedy minds

Too many people
With broken eyes
Vacant pockets
Blocked minds

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, April , 2011

Freedom’s Rambles
It has been 20 years
Since
Our Freedom Movements were unbanned
Maybe in my mind
It was an idealist’s Peace Movement
Generations
Chased
Battled
Expected
Instant
Inner -- Outer
Peace
Dreams of normality
Idealistically
Almost instantly banished
Inequality
Rooted in historical adversity
When all the while
Serenity is buried
Deep inside
Conflict flying about
Wild

It has been 20 years
Since we started building
A process of freedom
I’m still captured
In my mind
Like the woman on the morning radio
Who talks about it
Conjuring the vision for me
The maid and her life… depicted in her art
She is breaking out
But I feel
Her need to tell
Even from far away
I reconnect with this need
Listening
Waiting
Urging
To splinter away
Cracking the surface
Bold
Before I’m too old

It has been 20 years
Suddenly
We have new stories
The horrors of choice
The flagrant wonton greed of peace
A new kind of disrespect
Solidarity
A word of regret
Freedom Movements
New
Protest Movements
We are being robbed
Idealistic
Silent
My dreams
Inner Peace
Outer liberation
Misplaced

It has been 20 years
Inner peace
Growing through the cracks in the concrete road
Always this nagging question
Begging an answer
What could I have been?
If my ancestors were not enslaved
What can I become?
When I defy this inner oppression
What for me
The lessons after all this time
Why are we still a nation
Drawing a spear
Instead of a pen
Instinctively
Hiding in the safety of the fire circle
Failing to act
Banishing
Enemies
Soul thieves
Our road to Damascus
Crisscrossed by a world
That looked just like ours
Collective inequality
Everywhere
Deep inside
Idealistically
We call the monster by its name
But in doing so
He becomes our captor
We become the aggressors
A new kind of separateness
For which there is no
Freedom Movement
Only
Paying peace forward

By Simone Beatrice Naik Noemdoe, Radio P1, Sverige had a short piece on a travelling exhibit and the artist talked about a maid that was depicted as too dressed up to work and I heard the voice and called out South Africa before she identified her work as South African. April 14, 2011.