It’s not as empty as it seems?

It sometimes feels like I am always on the periphery of things. Just at the edge of the excitement or completely removed, so distanced that even if I was right in the middle of it, it still would not let me in. These things are not just interesting jobs or an exciting research project and even better still, the calm serenity of wise company, but infiltrates into the very basic fabric of everyday life like a cup of coffee with friends. Going hiking with old buddies. This feeling of being left out can make me feel crazy. One would think that at the age of almost 47 we learn how to deal with this kind of ‘out-sidedness’. Can I even use that as a word?

How does one begin to cope with this reality and create an alternative train of thought? How do you go about developing that thick skin that says: “I don’t care if I am on the outside, there is still room to learn about what they are talking about”. At other times it might actually just be easier to say, “Ok, I will knock on the door and ask to get in and learn more about what they are talking about and see if there in an opportunity to inform the conversation or be informed by the conversation.

Perhaps even just writing about this feeling is enough to deal with the instant panic it brings about. Now is maybe not the time to panic, but to rather have that inner conversation that says, “move on, there will be exciting things to do and places to see if you are not looking too hard or fighting so much against the empty space in your life, that is perchance not ‘empty’, but filled with a cosmos to create, learn and live!”